you don't know me

I wanna ask you -
Do you ever sit and wonder,
It's so strange
That we could be together for
So long, and never know, never care
What goes on in the other one's head?

Things I've felt but I've never said
You said things that I never said
So I'll say something that I should have said long ago:

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)...

mundanely peculiar

no update from me, except that i've been visiting a lot of ppl these days, having coffee and extendable lunch.

oh btw, i got this very peculiar msg the other day, it's says something about being official, or a grand/soft opening... oh well, i'm sure he meant to send the msg to someone else not for me. and other than that, everything runs as usual. and i'm excited to take mr bugsy for a run tomorrow.

time

i've always thought that... no i have never thought about getting married, because i just never really quite thought about it. not that i don't want to get married, it's just that i never really given it some thought.

well, now... i start to realise tiny bits about getting married, about how important it is to have your spouse to get a long with your family. because i fear i'm about to lose someone dear, because of it. i certainly hope not, perhaps time will have the answer...

GMAT 800

no, i haven't took my gmat yet, i wish it could be around 600 though T___T.

as you all know, i've been staring at empty spaces lately, most of the time just thinking, and inventing new theories on life, but, as i sit in front to my computer ready to share it with the rest of the world, i forgot all about it... perhaps it was just a dream, that i discover something.

the last two weeks has been hard, i thought i wasn't going to make it, but here i am. honestly, i didn't feel like saying anything about it also, i only share it with d and s. though d is miles away and in another continent too, but...i felt save talking to her, even only through sms. it's funny how things worked out. you got a bunch of new friends, but still, the ones that you share the important moments of your life are just a few of them, and it's countable my hand. and how sometimes, you just didn't realise it, nor did you keep contact with them as often. but for all of that, i do realise how important it is to try to always be there for them...

hospital days

been spending my days at the hospital, mostly just waiting, and staring blankly at nothing, worried if i can't make it through, and hoping i can make it through...

his name came in mind a couple of times, thinking should i tell him? no? should i? no! i did mention about it to him when me met for the last time at the bus, but at that time i didn't know it will become much much worse...

the worst days of my life, i couldn't even bare to fall asleep, afraid something might happened and i missed it, and i couldn't make it through.

honto

i did disappear this last couple of days. now i want to dissolve completely into nothingness...i honestly don't know what to do, except for bearing it on my own. hoping... hoping... hoping... i am hoping...for a recovery.

hot cakes and sweet macaroons

those most recent events in my life make me realized...

it's funny how someone you thought you knew, can change into a total stranger just in a split second. it's rather hurtful, to be honest. trust - honesty - integrity - ethic - loyalty - kindness - sincerity... or am i just too naive?

red lobster on your sick day

i'm sick... couldn't say much, just sick, really sick...
couldn't bear to get up from the bed. it's my own fault actually, i haven't been eating properly, often skipping meals, because i'm just so nervous and jittery these days. esp with the gmat classes. and all those things ppl said about me having to swim against the current.

then the strangest thing happened, my phone rang, and well guess who? it's m, the very controversial friend of mine, because he always get himself in troubles. (just like me actually -___-"). i thought he was just going to say another bad news, but on the contrary, he was just calling to say, he just bought a dozen tiny red lobsters as a pet.
very unusual choice for a pet, for a very unusual friend of mine.

a short love story

a video by carlos lascano

dear mr. percy

so it has come to this... and it was all my fault, mine and mine alone...saya tdk tau bgmn hrs membawa diri. and all that i can say is i'm sorry to have cause you such trouble, i'm really sorry you had to put up with my emotional behavior i didn't mean any harm. i truly am sorry.

red

"perhaps i am your evil selfish overtly jealous ex gf, can't help it really... i've told you before didn't i, that i'm an evil person"

-ms.f-

gloomy song for a very gloomy bear

jens lekman - you are the light

i've tried to negotiate, do a little bureaucracy here and there, found i tiny winy bits of light... until someone said, "stop!!" and gave me a simple analysis based on what was said the other night... the truth was there all along, i just couldn't read it between the lines.
and that's the end of it... no more talking about it, no more negotiating, no more...

i got zero on math

against the odd, that's what i always do. i've laid dormant all this time, just following the crowd, but this time i actually believe i can make a different. it's will be a long shot, but really do believe in it. and they call me the dreamer, irrational...
i do remember the day i was so mad at my math teacher, because he won't teach me how to solve the equation. which the lead me getting zero for the 2nd time, but i'm not giving up. i don't want to stay dormant... i don't. including this case...

paper processor

definitely need a paper processor or an instant official paperwork maker.. the one that would operate only with coins...
if there ever such a thing, it would make my life easier.. especially since my paperwork were on the other side of the globe...

we did go on an adventure yesterday, it was raining all day, and i got stuck into branches, then both my feet manage to step into a puddle of mud. truly a hoppipola moment ^^.. oh my silliness continues, as i then talked during my nap in the car...
not complaining though, i was just like one of those afternoons in bontang where i used to sneak out side and play in the garden, at which i would go home with dirt all over my clothes, and bruises on my legs and arms ^^.

debts on doubts

i woke up this morning with excitements for tomorrow's adventure with my friends. i turn on the tv as usual, had this strange feeling that i should watch national news instead of my regular foreigners' cartoon or exotic travel channel... and to my shock that man on the tv looks familiar. i didn't bother trying to remember him, but as the sun rising higher, i remembered who he is. i made a couple of short messages, but no one confirms my doubts on this man's id.

then again, by the time the day reach it's afternoon peaks, a friend of mine sort of suggested that i shouldn't come with them tomorrow. disappointed and wondering why, but he said he was only concerning my health? it sounds very sweet, but is it really the main reason, again more doubts... it feels like sunday all over again, where i was only invited by the last minutes to attend sunday dishdashdust reunion... first thing that comes on my mind, they didn't really want me there...

hmm... now i wonder where do i belong? will someone ever going to claim me as one of there own? i doubt it.

missing mr. bear

when i opened my eyes this morning, i remember when u used to say, 'i pray for you too, kanina. before i go to sleep every night...'

tonight, it's my turn to pray for you, in a hope that you can find me, soon. because i can't wait to see you again, and give a big bear hug...

baka tanuki!

i miss being tanuki, careless tanuki, happy tanuki...
tanuki have lots of friends and admirer who would always say, 'kawaiiii'

but this tanuki is growing old... but not wiser, baka tanuki!

sufficient premonition

this past week wasn't easy, it hadn't been easy these last few months...
perhaps it was a premonition, perhaps i was supposed to collapse and to never fully recover... perhaps...

i lost my grandfather last week, it was so sudden, so early in the morning, when even my brain has not registered what was just happened b4 my eyes... it's been days when i sat in front of giacommo trying to tell him what happened but not a single word came out of my mouth... not even now. i guess, well i assumed he knew what happened. just by the touching the tip of my fingers.

her life as a secret

yes, it is.. psst..

it is a secret that she is useless, and no one can actually understand what she's saying, let alone understand her as a person...

she is a secret...

dandelion

image by roadsworth

"nobody wants me.. therefore i am like that piece of dandelion carried by the wind... no where to stay, not belonging to anyone, anything.."

-miss. k-

memory eraser

delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete

i really wish there is a memory eraser...

for the person that matter

it was all began with someone's birthday, he is one of the 'person that matter', yet, i cannot remembered his birthday, i remembered the date though it was on the 19th, just couldn't remember what month it is...

and the reason i put this classic stevie wonder hits is that this 'person that matter', somehow looks like stevie wonder, and guess what.. his alter ego name was 'steve'. he used to be the person i've always run to whenever i was in trouble back in college. sometimes he still is that person, is just that he isn't as available as he used to be and same goes in my part.

ps. i've played this song on my itunes for over 10 times since yesterday...
ps2. i'll put the story behind 'overjoyed' later on...
ps3. i just remembered, all i need is to looked at his birthday on facebook. so silly.. no fuss needed actually.

angel song

i know i was late... couldn't wake up this morning...

but, i think there's a reason to it...
on the way to the office, as usual, i heard this awful song on the radio. awful as in generic tune, with generic wordings. but as listened to it carefully, that song speak to me. that song is me...

but as i'm sitting in this cramp office room, i couldn't remember the lyrics... was i dreaming...

secret conversation

mf : hm.. (*sigh)
cg : what is it?
mf : i'll be seeing a lot of yellow coconut leafs
i think i got to go away, away from this phenomenon..
cg : hmm...
mf : whilst i'm still here... without being loved...

cluttered

ppl all around me was talking, talk they talk and talk and talk... but what i heard was buzzed and bee, a couple of wee, waa, zip, zup, zep, and a bunch of other words that just doesn't make any sense to me. i'm awake, i did my chores, i come to the office, had lunch, then go home... oh i lost wednesday... how can you lose one day?

all this things cluttered... ppl had good news, but i got only bad news. if only i could just wish all of this would go away with only one deep breath of sighing...

i wish...

cuttlefish kiss

... we have 2 kids, the 1st one is a girl and the 2nd one's a boy...

and we lived happily ever after...

w...

w is for waiting... impatiently
w is for the client, who has given endless revision
w is for the 'we' that would never happened
w is for wanting as in craving
w is for my last name
w is for the will to carry on...

the girl with an oversized coat

i met a girl with an oversize coat yesterday, and somehow, i thought she was me. perhaps she is me, i can see myself through her, then everything becomes clear to me. we were both have been a fool. we've been fooled with our own sense of 'belonging' whilst the fact was that we are 'alone'...

the rebel with a p

this past couple of weeks was... hard, and i'm tired. no big problems though, only a lot of small ones that clustered inside my head.

one thing lead to another and the other... small big lies here and there. where nicotin and alcohol wasn't any much help at all. where your masterpiece was only a mockery for others. where even your presence was a mockery...

where a long sigh... was all that i can do. and yesterday i burst into a volcano... but it too wasn't any much help at all, a volcano as scary as it is.. only creates another problem...

the complication of mr.bugs

me : what do think c?
mc : he set his profile on "private"
me : oh.. don't you think it's... what if... and if he's... what am i supposed to do?
mc : i think you worried too much, a simple 'hi' would be enough ^^

cloudy days on frog island

ms. frog : it's easier when you are younger, don't you think?
mr. bugs : why's that? are you regreting it?
ms. frog : no, i'm not. i just don't like this feeling... this aftermath, this cloudy days that follow after...
mr. bugs : don't be, it'll go away, remember, if you hadn't let go, you'll lose the others..

coz you're under the weather
just like the world
and i need somebody to hold
when i turn out the light
you're out of sight
although I know that I'm not alone
feels like home...

lovely bitter sundays

i have found the perfect bookstore, to have a walk about on a bitter sunday morning...
(too bad the books are much more expensive than other stores -___-")

sy: elliot would never bla bla bla
mf: oh.. that's so sweet, i wish i had my own "elliot"...
sy: "elliot" usually hang around bookstore, and vintage shops...

i'll find my "elliot"

blindness

mengapa terkadang kita tdk menghargai apa yg kita punya? dan kita masih saja mengejar sesuatu hal yg tak pasti?

oh men..

i found this article this morning.. it's in indonesian though..

15 ciri pria berbakat kaya

even more things to be considered... ^^

in the meantime i do have to prepare myself too..

one word.scream

aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrraaggggggggghhhhhhh !!!!

sigh.. ok that's enough, back to reality.

moronic power

today..
i almost broke my own arm...

today...
i did some research... and didn't like what i found so i ran away...

the stupid things we do

"saya pintar karena saya menyukai hal-hal bodoh"

-kanina-

the thing about beauty

they say, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder,
i've always had different perspective about beauty...

i think beauty shines from within... in this modern age, not many belief that, but i still do... sometimes i can see ppl radiates light when they're sincere... i hope do too ^^

ageless beauty - Stars

ageless beauty
cruelty makes its holes
but on the shoreline
time will hold its promise
we will always be a light
you can see it from the surface, see it
we will always be a light . . .

just for now

...
It's that time of year
Leave all our hopelessness's aside
If just for now (just for now) leave awhile
tears stop right here
I know we've followed a bumpy ride.
I'm secretly along your side

(imogen heap - just for now)

just for now, maybe i am secretly along your side... and vice versa.

loop duplicate my heart

suburban kids with biblical names - loop duplicate my heart

welcome

it should probably be called "miss frog knows how to.. MOANS"
cause that what i do best.. moaning ^^